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Face down, eyes up

At the weekend I met someone who I connected with in a way which made me fairly certain that either a) I want to sleep with them or b) I’m going to sleep with them. I am aware that the latter makes me sound like I’m thinking illegal thoughts, but it’s a concept I’m still getting my head round, and I realise I could be confusing the two through a haze of lust and my overactive imagination.

I’m generally quite bad at judging how things are going to work out with another person where sex is concerned, and the first time I was exposed to such a level of certainty was when B was sleeping with a mutual friend who had told him that she knew she was going to sleep with him the first night they met. I couldn’t relate to that at all, but after the weekend’s encounter I seem to have a better appreciation for it and I spent most of Sunday thinking about this and having a couple of afternoon powernaps lulling myself to sleep with the aid of some filthy daydreams.

The next few months shall be interesting.


Add comment June 25, 2009

Save the ex-embryo

Since I stopped working at El Clinico Aborto some time ago, I put the issue of abortion to the back of my mind and became quite meh about the subject. When I was doing my GP placement, I occasionally saw pregnant patients and discussed their antenatal care. All the pregnancies I saw had been wanted, so it was a far cry from having to discuss abortion options.

A few days ago during the neonatal ward round, while I was peering down at the tiny babies born too soon, my mind wandered back to the subject of late-term abortion and where my personal ‘cut-off’ would be for performing them. Surgical late-term abortion is pretty unpleasant as a procedure and there are not many people willing to do them. Obstetrics, seeing new parents holding their babies and palpating heavily pregnant abdomens helped me to push it all to the back of my mind. Dr Tiller’s death has been quite the wake up call.

I never feared for my personal safety or my life when I worked there. I sometimes looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was following me, but generally my walk to the station was filled with thoughts like what I was going to have for supper and playing with the shuffle on my ipod.

I am not the sort of person who would continue working in a place if it meant I had to wear a bulletproof vest to work. Nor I am the sort who would continue working if I had been previously shot. Dr Tiller helped people when no one else would. What really gets me is that there are large numbers of people (publicly and privately) who are rejoicing at the news of his death. I wonder if they would go to work under similar circumstances.

Add comment June 1, 2009

Momentary lapse

It’s that awful time again; exams have taken over my life and once again the third space is the library. The sun coming in through the basement windows has been torture. Back soon.

Add comment April 4, 2009

“If this is too difficult, use pencils for resistance. Or air!”

On Lorraine Kelly’s show, they’re about to show a person how they can tone up their arms and banish bingo wings a la Michelle Obama. I’m not optimistic, watch this space.

1 comment March 23, 2009


Today I accepted a sweet from a stranger. I figured it would be ok since I’m in my mid-twenties and he said it would stop my cough (it didn’t) but it was a nice gesture.

I feel like I’m continually drawing the short straw where my medical school is concerned. They sending me to the same DGH for paediatrics despite telling us they try to send us to as many places as possible (the hospital no one wants to be at) and today after ringing the family planning clinic where I was due to have my placement in an hour, I was informed that they had been closed for the last month. It’s no biggie in the grand scheme of things, but I had also been in the library earlier today where the first years seem to have absolutely no sense of what it means to be in a library.

I snapped (internally) and walked out. A friend of mine had recommended another library just around the corner and it was like I had entered into something beautiful. Leather chairs, fresh water available, free wifi and being surrounded by an enormous collection of books, all carefully looked after on towering bookshelves. And no pre-clinical medics! The prospect of revision doesn’t seem too taxing now. Although it leaves me with the small dilemma of whether I should tell my friends about it, right now it feels like my naughty little secret.

Add comment February 10, 2009

Choose your weapon wisely

A few months ago I decided to stop referring to myself as a feminist. I got the same relief when I stopped convincing myself that I believe in God, and for now I’m happy bouncing along with it. Slightly related, I am currently reading one of the worst critiques of BDSM I’ve ever seen. I’ll probably write more in detail at a later date as I’m having difficulty articulating how far off the mark it is – think 4 year old precious ballerina insisting that their opinion is fact and if you don’t agree they’re going to stamp their foot and sqweeem. Not going to link to it but will be happy to let you know where to find it via email.

Speaking of which, I’m starting to think about exploring some dominant ideas I’ve had floating in my mind. I must admit, I used to be very naive about the whole thing, and I remember going to a fetish club night, wearing a rubber dress, with my hair scraped back feeling very… foolish. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little rubber dress, but I guess I had fallen into someone else’s idea of what a woman with dominant inclinations is supposed to be, and not my own. I saw The Reader the other day so this has some influence (and don’t read on if you don’t want any parts ruined for you) but the idea of wrapping a towel around an individual, lovingly patting the nape of their neck dry, standing there naked while they’re unaware that you are, sounds… shit hot to me. I guess you have to see it in the context of the film. (Just as well I didn’t link to that site, one look at this and I’d be dubbed a paedo-Nazi-pervert).

 Then again, I’m still playing with the idea of lying down on our glass coffee table, in a room full of friends, wearing this and holding a sign that says, “Use me.”


Only 3 more days at the DGH, hurrah! I miss my little place and the people in it. I don’t know how I’m going to cope come the final year.

1 comment February 3, 2009

Food: GN’s chickpea cakes

Chickpeas… is there anything they can’t do? Hummus, stews, Sicilian panelle , chickpea burgers, the list is endless, bless those little golden gems. I made the recipe for chickpea cakes a week ago, but medical school ate up my ability to lead a normal life, so…

The preparation is pretty easy. Chopping and sauteing a few vegetables (onion, courgette, pepper, adding garlic and ginger later on) while blending chickpeas with some eggs.

Presentation however, took a bit of a turn. The book presents the cakes as a beautiful, light little pancake, but by the time it came to flipping the first one, I knew that the texture was far from a pancake, so it all went a little pear-shaped. Instead, I gave up, poured the mixture into an oven dish and baked it for a few minutes. Same result, although not as aesthetically pleasing as the book!

Taste-wise, they were absolutely incredible. The flavours the chickpeas, pepper, cumin and ginger melded so well together that they formed a warm, fragrant and delicious accompaniment to the meal. The texture was light and fluffy, I could have happily have scoffed the lot out of a bowl.

2 comments May 4, 2008

GN: Strawberry Coconut Pudding

I tried this at the weekend. It pleased me for two reasons: I love strawberries and coconut milk. It displeased me for one reason: cottage cheese.

I know I should be eating cottage cheese until the cows come home due to it’s awesome protein content and versitality, but ever since [WARNING: DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ENJOY COTTAGE CHEESE] I had a bit of a gynaecological upset in my early teens, I was never able to look at the stuff again (not that I ever liked it in the first place).

I didn’t really get off to a good start with the blender. As soon as I dumped the cottage cheese in, I got a little piece of splashback on my hand and literally withered at the sight. By the time the coconut and strawberries were in, I was still dubious, but as soon as it was whizzed, I forgot that there was cottage cheese in the pudding, and transferred it to a bowl.

Most important criteria was the taste, and it didn’t let me down. It was wonderful – seriously! It tasted like sitting on a beach, but married in with the taste of a British summer afternoon in the shade. Better yet – this stuff is good for me (an anytime snack)! I added a little protein powder to thicken as the first batch was a little too thin (I think I had added a little too much coconut milk) but the second batch had a great texture, mixing between a thick smoothie and well…something thicker I guess.

Refreshing, summery and delicious. Apologies that the picture quality isn’t great, but it’s pink and pretty so…


Pink gloopy goodness


Add comment April 29, 2008

Food: homemade protein bars

I generally find it quite difficult to get protein into my diet unless it comes from something that once had a face. Then I discovered protein powder, and my life became a lot easier. People (read: my boyfriend) spend hours upon hours researching the best protein powders and which will give you the best results, but in my mind, protein powder has one function: to provide protein in a convenient way. I add a scoop to my porridge, some to smoothies, milkshakes, muffins, etc and it’s a lot easier carrying around some protein shake in a bottle rather than slices of turkey to nibble on after the gym.

I decided to try out Gourmet Nutrition’s peanut crunch bars and it sort of evolved into a more protein bar type thing, but definitely worth a go.

In the recipe, I decided to use ricotta cheese instead of cottage cheese. I didn’t have any oat flour, so I bought some porridge oats from T*scos (I know, I know). I used almond nut butter in addition to peanut butter, but you can use whatever takes your preference. I’d like to try them with hazelnut butter.

The basics. Apologies for the dishcloth in the background. Other ingredients not photographed include protein powder, spices (cinnamon and ginger).

It’s mostly a case of whirring everything up in a blender.

Then getting your hands stuck in. Leaving a sticky hand to pose in the mixing bowl is optional.

Eventually it’ll resemble something smooth and worthy of a spanking!

Mould into a foil lined tin, and freeze for 2 hours.

As far as protein bars go, the taste can be a bit hit and mix, but homemade ones are really worthwhile, especially as they don’t cost as nearly as much as store bought ones (and don’t have an ingredients list which resembles a nuclear wasteland). I munch on them as a snack at the hospital, although by then they’re a little more soft and chewy.

1 comment April 25, 2008

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