Posts filed under ‘myself and eye


Today I witnessed a registrar tear strips off a colleague of mine. Scratching the surface, he wanted to do some surgery which was done by another, and was pissed about it. Colleague was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I often feel like medical students are easy targets. It’s not like we’re in the same place for very long, so it doesn’t matter if we complain and placements are short enough to think it’s fine to just grin and bear it. We all have bad days now and then, but it’s hard to be at the brunt of someone else’s mood when you already feel like you’re in the way and would like to feel a little more useful.

I wish I had been braver and said something. I’m not sure what or what the hell it would have achieved, but I hold my own more at the gym. Perhaps that’s because I feel like the gym is my territory and I have a lot of confidence about it. I still feel like an outsider in medicine. Not so much in obstetrics, but certainly¬†general medicine and surgery.

There’s no safety word in the hospital. I wish there was.


Add comment March 11, 2009

The black whole

Recently, my mood has taken a bit of a battering, to the extent that I am weeping at adverts and have to hold back tears during Saturday Kitchen. My mum is going through the same thing, except that she’s menopausal and after peeing on numerous sticks, I can confirm that I have no hormonal excuse.

I’m hearing, “Go and see your doctor,” from all directions. I don’t actively encourage self-diagnosis among medics, but I can say with some confidence that I am not depressed. Playing the devil’s advocate, even if I was mildly depressed, it’s not something I feel is going to be helped with a 7 minute consultation (despite the fact that I find little chats therapeutic). I’m aware that whatever I’m going through is self-limiting so I guess it’s just a matter of riding it out through the mist.

As of tomorrow, my 7 day studying week is back, oh joy. I’m not sure how that’s¬†going to effect what’s going on above. The concept of March is going to be abstract as intensive working like this kills any memory of well, everything. Not a bad month considering seasonal produce isn’t at its most inspiring.


The hoarder in me bought a bottle of sparking rose which apparently has subtle hues of strawberry in it, to be enjoyed with strawberry type desserts. I know strawberries aren’t in season right now, but I purchased it in anticipation.

Maybe I do need to see a doctor.

Add comment March 1, 2009

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