Posts filed under ‘kink

It can’t only be Monday

Incorporating barbell squats and deadlifts back into my workout has sent my appetite soaring. It’s not helped by the fact that I’m approaching my pre-menstrual state where carbohydrates to me = what butter is to James Martin. I thought it would be a good opportunity to venture into a copy of Gourmet Nutrition desserts I was sent. I’m liking the idea of chocolate ricotta, 32g of protein, nom nom.


A medic friend of mine informed me that women shouldn’t do full push ups, and should be on their knees instead. Reason? It causes the uterus to stretch. That is not a joke. This person is definitely training to be a doctor.

Things that don’t cause the uterus to stretch: push ups

Things that do: babies


A friend of mine recommended a sex shop run by and for women. She also mentioned that they offer you a cup of tea when you visit. I’m intrigued – what kind of tea are we talking about?


3 comments March 16, 2009

Planet 2009

About a week ago I was on a bus with a Chinese friend of mine talking about all the unethical food we’ve eaten and we got onto the subject of the Chinese New Year. Last year was the year of the rat (my ‘sign’) which is never a good year once it hits your own sign according to her mother. I didn’t think 2008 was too bad, but there were a couple of rough patches of self-doubt.

I never make resolutions, but I like to have an idea of what sort of ‘theme’ I want for the year. 2008 was about stability, 2007 was fitness and so on. This works well for me and given the circumstances, I have decided that for 2009, I’d like to push some boundaries. This will work well for fitness and when I go travelling. It might also explain why the windows open in addition to this one include crockery (I’m collecting Denby White) and a swinger’s website.

1 comment January 11, 2009

Back from the dead again

I have been negligent in my blogging  for what feels like forever. Studies, exams and such and such. A friend of mine convinced me that Year 4 would be, “far more chilled out,” and in many respects it is, but not at all on the examination front. I passed after all the drama, and had a couple of days to both reflect and cringe on my OSCE performance.

One of the OSCE stations was to speak to a woman who had recently had a baby and was ‘feeling very low’. I did my suicide assessment and wanted to check that she wasn’t having a post-natal psychosis. Thinking back to the green Psychiatry Finals book I had been using, one of the questions suggested was to ask if the woman thinks her baby is evil. It started off well, “Do you think that…” and then I stopped mid-sentence worrying I was about to be pink-slipped for asking such an inappropriate question, so in my panic, I tried to fluffy up my answer a bit, and in the mist of panic, my question ended up as, “…your baby is trying to tell you that… you are incompetent… as a mother?” The actress looked at me in a rather quizzical way and then gave me a look similar to the scowl of Jeremy Kyle, “My baby is 4 months old, how could she possibly do that?!” Ooops. My superego is manically screaming, “YOU IDIOT!”

One of the things I really don’t like about OSCEs is the close proximity to you and other medics. It’s impossible to not hear what’s going on around you, so as some of the other examiners walked around, they looked at me strangely, because at my rest stations, I was sat with my hands clasped to my ears. This particular site did not give us any sweets or chocolates at the rest stations either. Top London medical school, yeah, I’m feeling that.


My fitness regimehas been put on a brief hiatus, but it hasn’t been as long as the last time I was having exams, which was pleasing. A friend of mine recommended I come and do some Yoga with her, so I thought I’d give it a go as it couldn’t possibly hurt to improve my flexibility (I seem to have very little).

So far, I’m enjoying the classes and it is much easier to switch off. My flexibility is getting better, be it very slowly. I’m hoping that the breathing techniques will cross over to when I lift weights, as I sometimes forget to breathe (bit foolish when you’re shifting something heavier than yourself) and I feel more comfortable on my feet in terms of my sense of balance.


B and I have been together for almost 3 years. We mark our anniversary from when we met as opposed to any ‘official date’ (I can’t remember), but I’m unclear as to whether we met on Dec 31st or Jan 1st. I believe it was the latter. Because medical school eats up my life and we don’t get much time together by ourselves, we go abroad for the new year. This year we’re off to Barcelona. I can’t wait for several reasons: the food, getting to speak Spanish, food again and copious amounts of hotel sex.

I use the excuse of working very hard for my exams to blow a load (is there a pun in there somewhere) at both Coco De Mer  and Agent Provocateur (wot recession?) While I can’t justify spending almost a grand on a stainless steel vibrator, I thought a tenner for a feather tickler was reasonable. I wanted to buy several books on the subject of spanking, but I thought I’d leave that for my 25th birthday next year.

We shall also be eating here om nom nom. Flatmate who is busting his guts as a junior sous wasn’t impressed that a chef with no previous professional kitchen experience can land a Michelin star a few years down the line. I didn’t realise the restaurant had a Michelin star, I just saw pictures of the food and started salivating.

Add comment December 19, 2008

“Sheee’s an easy lover!”

I’m not sure if I’m going to enjoy Dawn Porter’s Free Lover programme which starts tonight and she will be spending time in a commune in Germany. I don’t normally get much out of programmes where it’s like anthropology all over again, “Oooh look at all the strange stuff these foreign people are doing!” I can’t remember the name of it now (useful) but there was an interesting programme where members of an indigenous population armed with cameras came to the UK to comment on our population, society and culture. Both interesting and touching.

Back to Dawn, and my early morning breakfast of scrambled eggs and garlic mushrooms. B was on the computer so I switched the TV on and she was talking with Lorraine Kelly. My brain doesn’t always engage due to the subject content (‘New ways to decorate your pubic hair’ – joke) and time of the morning, but a couple of things struck me with what Dawn said, and mass eyeball rolling ensued.

I can’t give exact quotes, but the first thing insinuated was that if you are really really truly, madly, deeply, utterly butterly, head over heels in love with your partner – then dun dun duuun, you wouldn’t need anyone else in the relationship – in whatever context. Cue Lorraine nodding so ferociously I thought her head would come loose. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, and it’s from a very monogamy-centric viewpoint, but can we hear something a little more original please? It’s not something that you can easily convince people otherwise of either, because of course, it’s easy for them to say you’re either in denial, or are deluded. I’m the first to admit that I can’t be my boyfriend’s ‘everything’ to him, and he can’t to me. When it first happened, I thought the world would crumble beneath my feet – but it didn’t, and oddly enough, I felt very relieved, and we started to enjoy each other for who we are, rather than some socially constructed idea in our minds of what we should be. That does not in any way mean that there is less love or that I would be happier upon meeting someone else who could tick more/less boxes. I think the mere idea that someone can be your everything is very misleading, sets people up for disappointment and puts pressure on all individuals involved. Sex and the City would have probably ended in the first season if the characters put their anxieties aside and started enjoying the men for who they were and what they were doing, end of.

The other thing said was that she couldn’t possibly engage with a lifestyle like polyamory, because of the ‘jealousy thing’. A contradiction of sorts, because last time I looked, monogamous couples get jealous too! It seems that all lifestyles seem to attest that by adhering to the principles, they won’t suffer from jealousy, infidelity etc. Of course, this is futile, because monogamy won’t protect you from the green-eyed monster, nor will polyamory guarantee that your partner won’t cheat on you, and so on.

When all that is taken into account, the differences should come down to the fact that’s it’s personal preference and what works for the individuals involved, and that the people themselves are only people and not some three-legged monsters that require a ‘mortal’ to go into their world and dissect them like a worm in biology class or go hunting for deep-rooted pathologies that have caused them to turn away from the status quo.

Of course, “We like fucking other people in our relationship because we just do,” isn’t going to cover an hour long programme schedule.

3 comments September 30, 2008

“I will burn for you, feel pain for you”

I was preparing a butterbean/runnerbean salad for supper to the sound of #1 Crush by Garbage. The song is particularly bittersweet for me as it marked a dark time in my life during my A levels where I had hit rock bottom. All my teachers thought I was a foregone conclusion. I remember my form tutor saying to me, “I don’t know what else to say. I am very sorry.” My politics teacher talked to me about the pressure young women put on themselves and that I’m only hurting myself by putting myself down, oblivious to the fact that in the height of summer I was wearing a long black cardigan hiding the bandages which in turn were hiding the fresh cuts on my arms.

I digress, I still absolutely love the song. I was preparing some garlic to add to a simple dressing and the knife slipped (not exactly what most prospective doctors would admit) and I cut my thumb just under my nail bed.

For a split second, I thought about what would happen if I dipped my thumb into the lemon-based dressing. After a momentary lapse, I realised that the thought didn’t appeal at all. Possibly an indicator that I’m ready to explore the small sadistic side rumbling in my psyche. Or (more likely) I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good dressing.

Add comment July 14, 2008


This isn’t the only blog I keep, I used to write a lot in another one not too far away from the blogosphere, but it is not public. Every now and then I go back and see what I was up to in the past.

On this day 3 years ago: I was contemplating dating a man who previously worked as a girl-on-girl porn cameraman. We never went on that date.

On this day 5 years ago: The night before my A level chemistry exam. It seems so long ago now. I was pretty miserable back then. Very, actually. Exams in medicine seem like a breeze compared to that. As my exams are approaching in 6 weeks, will the exams ever end?

On this day 6 years ago: I was discussing Kirsten Dunst’s breasts with a kiwi friend of mine.

Add comment June 17, 2008

BDSM, feminism and deadlifting

I have a lot to write on the subject of feminism and BDSM, but it will have to wait till later or tomorrow as I have a long afternoon of teaching (medical statistics, joy) then a class on examination technique.

This morning I discovered this: Let them eat – pro-sm feminist safe spaces and I fell in love.

I’m also getting ready to go to the gym where my lower half is going to get a punishing.


1 comment April 17, 2008

Monogamy? Tick ‘yes’ or ‘no’

For me it’s more of a, ‘no thanks’

I am not in a monogamous relationship. I’m not quite sure how exactly we would define it in terms of slapping a label on, and I’m not quite sure when we came to that conclusion, however, drawing on both of those points, it’s apparent that it’s something we eased into, on quite an easygoing basis. My life is bound up in other strict rules and regulations, especially in medicine, so it’s reassuring and comforting to know I have something where I can slip into rather like the white flimsy cotton nightdress I have (I think I was having a Jane Austin moment when I ordered it).

This arrangement works for us for several reasons:

1) While we have our own set of rules and regulations, it allows us to pursue certain relationships with others that monogamy would not allow, simply because, “It’s wrong.” Human beings and sexuality don’t bode well in terms of labels, pathologies and boxes; we’re far more fluid, complicated and constantly evolving than that. It would seem unfair to apply restraints on each other when we have so much to learn from the relationships we can form with other people; not only as individuals but as a couple whether they are crushes, friendships or sexual encounters. This also fits in well for me as a feminist because we do not view each other as each other’s property (unless we’re playing kinky sex games). He may be ‘my boyfriend’ but he’s not ‘mine’ in the sense that I’ll try to glass you if you dare to look at him for more than a microsecond. Please feel free to take a look; he has a gorgeous bum that I can only dream of getting after 10,000 lunges (with heavy weights obviously).

2) I met my boyfriend during a time where I started to be very attracted to other women. I had never explored this side of myself before and I continue to do so. I’m not saying I would have called things off between us had he not been cool with it, but knowing that he was supportive in me trying out this new found identity only made me love him more.

3) I have a level of communication I have never had in previous relationships. Again, I’m not saying this can’t be achieved with monogamy, but I’ve discovered I have a voice that I can use where I previously would have not done so, for fear of upsetting the other person, and/or causing them to be jealous. Obviously, we do have to say things to each other occasionally the other person won’t like, but we’re not afraid to say those things. Having had a lot of therapy, I am able to take apart negative feelings I’ve had and see why, rather than just running through something that’s making me feel horrible. This also works well in the context of our relationship.

4) There’s an uncertain fluidity to where our relationship will go, which is actually quite a nice thing. We may decide to play with others for a number of years, we may decide to give it a rest for a while then pick up where we left off down the line. The fact is, the potential is there and we can adjust and adapt for what we see fit, or the new environments we come to be in. There’s nothing to suppress or feel guilty about, it’s there out in the open and brought a new level of security for me that I again did not get in previous relationships, although perhaps they were just paving the way for where I was to end up? Perhaps this in itself is a new, funky coloured paving stone.

That’s the tall and short of it. There are other issues I probably have not covered, but will leave for another time while I ponder.

Add comment April 11, 2008


Contrary to my blog name, I rarely use the word ‘domme’ when using it to describe something or someone who is a dom, or dominant. The reason for this is that it’s a gendered word, alterting the invididual that the aforementioned person is a woman, just so they don’t fall off a chair or something. In some circles it’s talked about with the same level of rage that I apply to ‘toning/toned/tone,’ a way of fluffying up something for the sake of not being too controversial or offensive.

So why did I use it? Well, I thought about something like pinkdumbbell, but I thought that too closely resembled the pink dumbbells forum. Then I thought about my darker side and thought aha, you clever person you, lets go along the lines of dom dominant dommebell, and dommebell was born. Much as I like the crispness of the other words, they weren’t going to have the same way of flowing as something that seems to fit so well with dumbbell. Maybe it was a subliminal way of spilling my oestrogen over the sweaty, grunting 40kg dumbbell that no one picks up at the gym. And fuck it, it’s my blog, I like the way it looks and sounds.

In all honesty though, the blog name has little bearing on how I approach BDSM. I am submissive. It has taken me a while to grow comfortable with this, and in a sense I’m still growing into it but in this part of my life, I don’t lean towards being dominant. I do have little ’bouts’ of where I sit comfortably with being dominant (as a percentage, probably about 10% of the time), but it doesn’t happen very often. My boyfriend understands and is pretty flexible so it works well for us.

2 comments April 9, 2008

Musings on: body armour

It’s no secret that I like dressing up in things that would have made previous generations of women in my family roll their eyes. Corsets, stockings, high heels, you name it, I’ll wear it. My most recent purchase was a pair of Agent Provocateur champagne stockings, with a red seam up the back. I was absolutely delighted with my find. I of course had to try them on as soon as I got home, and I was so pleased with the way they complimented my calves and quads. I was not blessed with height, but the squats and deadlifts have taken my appreciation for lingerie to another dimension. Bien!

One would think that my appreciation for this would permeate its way into how I wear things at the gym, but it isn’t so, quite the opposite in fact. I wouldn’t say it’s abusive, but I have no regard towards my gym clothes. In – gym – shower – out. If I were to spend minutes carefully preparing myself in my presentation, this would eat a chunk out of my gym time and I have no interest in doing anything of the sort. I like the feeling of slapping on my jogging bottoms and black top and not paying much attention to it. I remember the new intake of freshers turned the gym into London Fashion Week for a while, the sight of a woman reapplying lip gloss on the cross trainer was too much to handle.

The best thing I could wear in the gym, is a barbell, with some weights stacked on, or some plates while I do lunges, or the pair of dumbbells (non-pink) in my grip. I balance them, pull them up, push them away, hold them (or picture myself throwing them at the next guy who doesn’t put his weights back) and they become part of me, as they help to make tiny adjustments in my body that I’m not aware of at the time, but I certainly feel the next day.

So I guess I do play ‘dress up’ at the gym, just in a different way.

3 comments April 3, 2008

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