Seeing what’s not there

April 1, 2008 rooroo

For as long as I can remember, I had always been conscious about my abdominal fat. One of my earlier memories was my mum dressing me up in a woollen jumper dress, tights and boots and taking me to see an aunt. There, a couple of my cousins were teasing me, and they asked when my baby was due. I looked down at my stomach, and thought they were talking about the penguin printed on the front. It was only later that I realised they were talking about my stomach, probably made worse by my posture at the time. My cousin’s didn’t mean anything spiteful by it, as a family we tease each other a lot, but as a child, words stuck.

 When I was 10, our class was having the usual awkward sex education discussions, on how our bodies were ever changing. I mentioned to my group that I wasn’t happy with my stomach fat and my teacher reassured me that it was probably just ‘puppy fat’ and it would go as I entered puberty.

Puberty came and went and the puppy fat became an old dawg. During my A levels where I was eating ahoy, combined with raised cortisol levels, I felt that my stomach was being magnified and often during bouts of bloating, I looked like I was in the second trimester of pregnancy.

 Anyway, the story ends well. I found heavy crap to lift and started eating well. The fat came off, is still coming off and I started to get the 2 parallel lines down my abdomen showing off my obliques. There is still work to do. Although sometimes, I still believe I have a wedge of fat spilling over my jeans. When my cousin had a baby after years of trying, she was so stunned that she had finally had her baby, she would wake up in the middle of the night and have to put her hand into his bassinet while he slept, as she was unsure whether she had really given birth or not. At times where I find myself imagining fat, I stroke my abdomen and am surprised to feel that it’s flatter.

 My body has changed quite a bit. My sense of perception, and indeed my senses need a bit of time to catch up

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Entry Filed under: body image, fat, musings

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